A wonderful thought was expressed by a homeschooling friend who said that once we have children, we need to be more intentional about caring for ourselves. I heard this message on the morning after a particularly rough homeschooling day. A day that indicated that my self-care jar was empty. I really needed to hear this message at this precise moment in time and I needed to sit with it for a while…

What do I do for self care? I mean, my “work” is my life. I don’t get a lot of free time to be by myself.

Nothing earth-shattering came immediately to mind other than the usual things, such as:

• painting my nails, doing makeup, putting on jewelry and anything else that makes me feel pretty
• listening to music
• playing my mandolin
• cooking (I am really enjoying finding new recipes and feel really proud when it turns out well!)
• cleaning and organizing an area of the house (this ALWAYS helps clear my mental space as well!)
• going shopping
• reading
• having a cup of tea

Sitting reading Morning Girl with my daughter on the couch one morning, I had an a-ha moment. I was so enjoying being immersed in the book with her, going on this wonderful journey together in our hearts and minds. THIS felt like self care. My soul was being soothed in a way that could never happen while doing anything else. Sure, I could paint my nails, take a bath, read a book by myself, go shopping. There is a time and a place for those things. But this kind of connection is good for my soul. I love to read, but I love to read more when I can share the experience with others, especially snuggled up close together feeling warm bodies pressed against me as I read. I started to really pay attention and notice the connection during our family read-aloud time in the evening as well. In the moment, I realize that there is no place I would rather be, nothing I would rather be doing.

So I started to generate another list because I realized that self care CAN include others. As a matter of fact, including others in your acts of self care invites connection. Connection can be good for the soul. It is a daily requirement for mine. And not just any togetherness will do. Just being in a room with others may not be enough. The connection I am referring to involves depth. Sometimes it is intentional, but sometimes it is not. We must experience something together, share something just between us.

So here is my list of self-care activities that involve my children:

• Music. Since I NEED music in my life, regularly, why not share my passion with my children? In my white minivan, you will often see us mouthing lyrics and bouncing around as we enjoy a variety of musical genres, like 80’s, New Wave, Country, Classical, Irish, Turkish, Italian, and much more…We are also known to put on some tunes in my living room and have an impromptu dance party. This almost always leads to a game of Just Dance on the Wii!
• Art. I love looking at it, talking about it, and I used to love creating it. My husband is the artist in the family. So, we appreciate and create art together now. I get to express my creativity and the kids are finding their creative outlets at the same time. It’s a win-win!
• Food. I love to eat. All kinds of food. When they are interested, I let my kids join me in the kitchen, donning their aprons and chef hats. This makes my heart really happy…Foods that we make together are especially good for the soul.
• Reading. Reading is probably my favorite solitary self-care activity. In almost two years of homeschooling, I have read so many enjoyable books with my children, but I haven’t had as much time to read personal selections. It took me almost a whole year to read Anna Karenina (but it was worth every delicious stolen moment away!). I love our times together spent reading. I love the shared experience. I love the delicious conversations that we have about the books we share.
• Nature. Being in nature is soothing. Being in nature with my children is wondrous. I get to see the world through the eyes of a child, and what better vantage point is there? Watching my children frolic and wonder in nature is probably the most soul-healing activity there is.

Self care, for me, is anything that replenishes the soul. Sometimes I need space to clear my head. But sometimes I need connection. A deep connection with another. When I stop, pay attention, and relish the moment, I often find that soul-healing connection is sitting right beside me when I need it most…